Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
