He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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