oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
