if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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