a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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