Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
