can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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