I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
