I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
