I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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