so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My vagina is very pro this idea
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
