I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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