After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
