I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
