WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
