I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize