you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
