i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
