i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
