The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
how does that bad decision feel?
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