btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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