I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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