Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
