I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
