I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
