normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize