I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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