I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
