I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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