Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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