Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
