He uses pillows to masturbate.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You took a bar mat shot.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
