We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize