he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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