id be glad to
My cat gives me a boner
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
