I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
