dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
