my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
