dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
