opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
