drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
