What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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