I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
