First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
