I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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