Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
