He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
