omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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