I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
