made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize