I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
