somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
