My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
