suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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