lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
