you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
