One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
