hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
3pm strippers are depressing
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
