What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
