Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
