and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
