I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
