What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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