you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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