he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
