I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize