I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
