I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
