you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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